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Is Touching Unmanly Or A Success Strategy?
Is Touching Unmanly or a Success Strategy?
Bob Lieber was a two million dollar a year lawyer. His unique competitive
advantage was a talent they do not teach in law school. Bob could persuade
stubborn mules to change their minds and close the deal. How?
There comes a time at every real estate or contract closing when both sides
distrust and hate each other more than they want to close the deal. Each side
gets emotional and irrational and checks their reasoning brain at the door.
If nature takes its course you have a dead deal. Bob would stand up and walk around the room silently. He would stand behind the lawyer for the opposition and
(get this!) start to massage the lawyer's shoulders and neck.
No conversation – just non-verbal communication to relax. That's right, even if
he hardly knew the other counsel, he would knead the person's shoulders and neck.
Not done, he moved behind the opposition client and without asking permission –
massaged (manipulated and stroked) the guy for another sixty seconds.
The mood in the room changed and the transaction closed without another hitch.
Physical Contact
Your voice (auditory sense) can have calming tones that persuade and convince.
Your face can either create rapport or alienate folks because our sense
of vision triggers emotions based on the facial expressions we see.
Lastly, comes our sense of touch (kinesthetic, tactile or haptics). Physical Contact has received new scientific research indicating it is an emotional powerhouse.
Examples: a raised high-five, pat on the shoulder, bumping fists, chest ramming or even a smile influences results, relationships and success percentages.
Get this: physical contact changes how folks think and behave. It creates star athletes and teams that win the Title. What works in sports works equally in your career to ace a job interview (we teach it to corporate executives and lawyers), winning presentations, or successfully closing sales or agreements.
Placebo
Doctors and nurses who pat your arm or touch your shoulder double the power
of drugs to relieve your pain, set the stage for miraculous healings, and satisfy the
emotional side of their patients.
Some scientists believe the Placebo Effect is nonsense, just the power of authority
(physician in the white coat) and suggestibility. In 2009 research using FMRI
(functional Magnetic Resonance Imagery) discovered our brain changes when we have confidence (faith) in our medical team. There is an increased activity by our
Immune and Nervous systems, more dopamine (relaxation) is released, and a triggering of our Mu Opioid Receptors.
The Mu receptors are located in our brain, spinal cord and intestines and release
endorphins to overcome pain. It is the body's form of opium (opioid) to initiate
healing. It is not just the power of suggestion (like hypnosis) but physical imagery readouts showing bodily changes.
Google: Professor Dache Keltner, UC Berkley: physical contact as wordless communication.
What's In It For Me
Fact: a warm friendly touch releases Oxytocin a powerful hormone that creates
trust and empathy (belief) between humans. Wait. Oxytocin counteracts Cortisol, the stress hormone causing us to relax instead of activating our fight-or-flight complex.
When we relax instead of emotionalizing our experiences, and use strategies to
help others reduce their tension and release chronic stress, we both think and remember better. It's a win-win prospective leading to agreement.
If your career involves persuading, convincing and influencing your peers and
superiors for promotions, or executives for successful sales, you need physical
contact strategies because they smooth the way for cooperation.
If you have a significant other or kids, using physical touch produces winning
relationships. Touching can be intimidating, but it is too powerful an asset to
be ignored. It beats words (verbal communication) by up to 75%.
Touch their hair, better yet, smile and touch their hair or hand.
Get this one: massaging a hand for half a minute is like hypnosis causing trance.
Simple hand stroking reduces pain up to 75%.
Why? You are accessing their right-hemisphere, specifically Spatial patterns. Emotions, positive long-term memories and cooperating thinking come from
our right-brain.
Result: you are someone to be trusted and not the opposition (enemy). How come?
Your right-brain intuition says so. By the way, the couple that massage, stroke and pat each other, statistically – stay together. Yes, it is like the grooming of our ancient
ancestors the chimps. It is genetic and hardwired. They report more satisfaction.
Talking With Your Hands
It is a fact that residents of Italy appear to use their hands to communicate
more than folks in other countries. Is that a good or bad thing or even something
to be embarrassed about?
The University of Chicago reports research indicating pointing and gesturing with
your hands and arms create positive communication between folks. Animation
is emotional and triggers a need to pay attention to the gesturing party.
Results: gesturers have a higher retentive memory and their thinking (left prefrontal cortex) is more complex and effective. They plain communicate better.
Gesturing while speaking improves how you (speaker) feels and paints positive mental pictures for your listeners.
Wanna make your point (reasoning) stick? Gesture, point, touch and speak.
Emblem is Pantomime
There are gestures that are immediately decoded by the brain of the other party
as symbols that express whole volumes of ideas. Example: using your index finger
like a windshield wiper across your forehead to indicate – "it is hot as a furnace
in here!" It is called an emblem, which is pantomiming what you mean.
Another example of an emblem is your index finger perpendicular to your lips meaning – Shush!
So what? Teachers gain attention more by gestures than words, and so should you.
Giving a presentation – pointing, gesturing and using symbols are better than Power
Point. They are more human and less didactic – folks hate being taught but love to
learn.
Google: Hofstra University School of Medicine, Allen Braun, M.D.
Endwords
Fact: science has proven that to make your point clear and persuasive,
link your verbal brilliance with our ancient language of gestures.
Let your words and hands do the talking – it is a neuroscientific partnership.
Would you have a strong competitive advantage in your career to read and
remember three (3) books, articles and reports in the time your peers can
hardly finish one?
Contact us for a free speed reading report with details of how to triple your
learning skills.
See ya,
copyright © 2010 H. Bernard Wechsler www.speedlearning.org
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
About the Author
Author of Speed Reading For Professionals, published by Barron's.
Business partner of Evelyn Wood creator of speed reading, graduating
2 million including the White House staffs of four U.S. Presidents:
Kennedy-Johnson-Nixon-Carter
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